|  Ode
to Lauren
Lauren~
It's times like these when I need you the most.
I can be resillent as hell when something horrible happens.
It's really only when there are just so many little things
eating away at me when I completely dispair and wish that
I had you here to talk to. The thing is that people need someone
close to them that they can tell everything. No matter how
trivial or stupid or small, everyone has that person that
they know knows them inside and out and understands. You are
that person to me, but you are so far away. Our paths don't
cross but a few times a year. I have tried to make substitutions
in my life but no matter how much of myself I give, the necessary
reciprocation of trust, love and understanding is always lacking.
So now here I am in Tucson, surrounded by friends and some
family, but feeling detached and alone.
Sure, some people understand small parts of
me, but no one even begins to understand me as a whole. I
mean they see the surface and a few small fissures in me,
but no one knows the depths of the canyons and has or has
wanted to to explore the caves of my soul. I feel like I need
that person who knows parts of me that I don't even know myself.
That person who instead of using their own life experiances
to explain a situation or illustrate a point, points out characteristics
about me or past experiences of my life to enlighten the problems
that I am having. The person who knows me so well to remind
me of my own subconcious behavior. No one here does that.
No one here tries. I need you Lauren. We have been too long
apart. I hope that you can come to Puerto Vallarta with me,
but so much more than that, I pray that you come to UA next
year and live with me in this beautiful new house. Please
try. Please. I'm so alone.
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