Even in a nation that prescribes the death penalty
for adultery, this philanderer's wife assumes for a very long time the
traditional need for a woman to accept her fate. Why does she take so long to
rebel?
-
Editors
Mariam knew Ibrahim was cheating on her but kept
quiet. He knew that she knew, and went to extremes.
They had married after a long and wonderful love story all on one
side‑leers. She had loved him since the first moment her eyes looked upon
the world. He was her cousin, a handsome young man. She wasn't alone in her love
for him. All the young girls in her family and outside loved him. He'd been the
dream of every girl, the hope of every spinster, and the wish of every girl's
mother. In addition to being handsome, he thrived on success‑in school, in
managing his father's business, in his social relations. Mariam loved him. She
never tried to draw his attention to herself, not even to show a small portion
of what was in her longing heart. Her friends used to insist she phone him, but
she had refused and kept her love to herself. Some girls had telephoned him,
others had sent him letters, still others had sent him music cassettes, and some
had even gone out with him.' Too many for her to have any hope, especially since
she had refused to parade her love as the others did. She knew she wasn't as
pretty as most of the others. She also wasn't educated beyond high school, and
had no career. But to her surprise, and to the surprise of all, he had asked for
her hand in marriage‑leer's and not any other girl's.
She
was tonguetied. Her mother asked her for the second time:
"Mariam,
you haven't answered. Do you agree to marry Ibrahim?"
Words came out with difficulty and she said,
"It's up to you . . . . I just don't know."
Her
mother smiled widely. Site interpreted tier daughter's confusion as the shyness
of every young woman.
Mariam
closed her doors and looked at everything as if for the first time: the doors,
windows, her bed, her pillow, her clothes. Everything looked different,
everything was magically changed. Life was gaiety and happiness. But no, she
couldn't be happy until she knew why he chose her from the rest of the girls.
There had to be a reason.
But
then her joy made her forget everything. It was enough that he chose her. On her
wedding day, happiness glittered in her eyes when site saw him. But she also
overheard nasty comments and sarcastic laughs that hurt her. One said, "She
doesn't suit him at all. She's not even pretty."
She also overheard a mother scold her daughter
saying, "Do you see her intelligence? She isn't beautiful, but she won
everything."
Mariam
held her head proudly, and left holding the arm of her handsome groom.
That
night she asked him, "Why did you choose me, when there were so many
others?"
He
was silent for a moment. Then said, "Perhaps you're the only one that I
couldn't get. The only one who didn't try to throw her net around me. The only
one of whom I didn't see even her finger, until our wedding night."
Days
passed as she tried to learn all his emotions and feelings. She tried to reach
his heart, to become everything in his life despite her simplicity. But soon he
returned to his old habits. Girls swarmed around him everywhere he went. Many
even became daring, perhaps to displease his wife. She kept silent, but people
around her were talking; they whispered about her husband's sexual adventures.
The whispers grew louder, began to shout in her face: "Your husband is
cheating on you." Her silence became even tighter. Still, she didn't fail
him as a wife. She tried even harder to make him love her and his home. Her
mother whispered to her one day that children tie a man to his home. She had
their first baby boy, and a second, and then a baby girl. But nothing tied him
to her. He traveled abroad and returned carrying photos taken with girls. Her
heart sank as she examined these, but she was paralyzed. She couldn't leave him.
On one of her desperate days an old friend visited her and said, "Don't you
have any feelings? Your husband is acting like a teenager. Can you imagine, he
is flirting with my daughter Rana?"
Mariam was shocked. Though she knew her husband's
ways, she couldn't believe it. Rana was only fifteen. She opened her mouth to talk, but her friend snapped,
"You're a fool. But tell him to leave my daughter alone, otherwise we'll
have to handle the situation ourselves."
Her
friend left, slamming the door behind her.
Mariam remained motionless, an orphan question on her lips. Her home was
about to fall apart, her life about to crumble. She had to try something.
So she went to the hairdresser and came out with a new look. She bought
the most beautiful dress she saw. Then she went to her sister Ayman, who was
well known for her make-up artistry. That evening, she sat in front of the
television and waited for her husband. She heard the key turning in the door.
She improved tier pose a little and smiled for him. He didn't even look at her,
but went upstairs to bed. She followed, her hope fading as despair invaded her heart.
She stood in front of him fully adorned, with her heart beating fast. He looked
at her and said carelessly, "Mariam, what do you want? I'm very tired and
want to sleep."
"I
want nothing," she said hoarsely. She left the room, drawing her failure
behind her, hot tears falling from her eyes. She wept for her lost life, her
lost love. Regret pushed away what remained of her love for him. Why had she
agreed to marry him? Why did she keep allowing him to defeat tier? Why didn't
she drive him out of her life? She was not less than he.
In the morning she went to her family's home,
bringing her sadness and pain. No one asked her why she'd come. They all knew.
They had expected her sooner. She tried to control her longing for her children
by being very tough on herself. She stifled her heart, her love, and feelings.
He didn't deserve her.
Her children phoned daily to tell her how sad their
father was and to beg her to return. She wouldn't. He had despised, humiliated,
and degraded her, making her a joke people told in their spare time. He didn't
deserve anything at all from her. He was too arrogant to call her, but brought
his mother to take care of the children in her absence. Boldly she asked her
family to request a divorce.2 In the beginning he hesitated and tried to delay,
but finally consented. When she received the divorce document, announcing the
end of her love on the rock of reality, she wept. No, she didn't regret asking
for the divorce. But she regretted having wasted years of her life pursuing
unfruitful love, and she longed other children.
Another man asked for her hand in marriage. He was
not as handsome as her ex-Husband, nor as successful. He was a teacher with a
failed marriage and a six-year-old daughter. He was tender and open-minded.
Because he too had suffered in his last marriage, he deeply respected and longed
for an ideal married life. She found herself in agreement with him. They shared
the same interests, hobbies, and sincerity. She had finally found what she was
looking for. She agreed to marry him and was very sure she would be happy with
him. They would not fail. When Ibrahim heard about her engagement, his conceit
fought with his pride. He ran to her, with the three children. She hugged her
children and wept a little, but received him very coldly. He beseeched her,
"Mariam, will you not return? The children and I need you."
Quietly and firmly Mariam said, "I'm sorry, I won't return. There is another man in my life."
Notes:
1.
Western-style dating is not common in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and is even
considered somewhat scandalous.
2. A woman's family must approach the husband and ask him to grant her a divorce. According to Islamic law, she cannot divorce her husband directly but can request a divorce under certain circumstances.
Voices of Change, Short Stories by Saudi Arabian Women Writers, edited and translated by Abubaker Bagader .Ava M. Heinrichsdorff Deborah S. Akers; additional translations by Abdul-Aziz Al-Sebail.