"Humor works by bending or breaking the rules; it always has. But at this moment in our culture we are uncertain which rules apply. This is one reason why the relationship of women to humor is at an important point of what can be best called "conflagration," of destruction and, literally, re-creation. It does not come down to whether women telling small-dick jokes or men telling beating-up-women jokes is politically correct; it comes down to whether we laugh at them because of rage and fear, using our humor foremost as a way to bludgeon or gag the opponent. The "gags" directed at women in masculinist humor have for too long served exactly that purpose: to shut women up." Real stories, real laughter, real women by Gina Barreca, Ms. Magazine

Sometimes "jokes" can be harmful to women but these are a great example of women friendly jokes.

Although some of these jokes may seem anti-men, we are in no way anti-men they are just our way of saying that feminists are funny and we can make jokes as well.

 

Women are like tea bags, you never know how strong they are until they are in HOT water.

Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he is in diapers.

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

If they can send a man to the moon - why can't they send them all?

Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

If you want a committed man, look in the mental hospital

The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn;t ask for directions.

Sadly, all men are created equal

A man walks into a store which sells brains for transplant use. As he browses the selection, he notices that the female brains are cheaper than the male brains. When he asks for an explanation for the price difference, the store clerk responds,.."The female brains are less expensive because they have actually been used."

Q: Why are men and parking spaces alike?

A: Because all the good ones are gone and the only ones left are disabled.

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Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess's lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought................

I don't f**king think so."

Q: What is the fastest way to a man's heart?

A: Through his chest with a sharp knife

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Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things as well.

Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men.....a woman.

Three fishermen were fishing when they came upon a mermaid, the mermaid offered them one wish each so the the first fisherman said: "double my I.Q"..so the the mermaid did it and he started reciting Shakespeare.

Then the second fisherman said" "Triple my I.Q."..and sure enough the mermaid did it and amazingly he started doing math problems he didn't know existed.

The third fisherman was so impressed that he asked the mermaid to quadruple his I.Q and the mermaid said: "Are you sure about that? It will change your whole life!"..the fisherman said yes so the mermaid turned him into a woman.

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I Am Glad I Am A Woman

I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am
I don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections
I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions
I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown
And I know how to put the damned toilet seat down!
I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt
My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut
I don't go around "readjusting" my crotch
Or yell like Tarzan when my head-board gets a notch
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind
I'm a woman you see -- I'm just not that kind!
I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting
It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back
When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack
And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome
Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side
I'm a woman, you know -- I've got far too much pride!
And I honestly think its a privilege for me
To have these two boobs and squat when I pee
I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal
I won't tell you my wife just does not understand
Stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band
Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep
Then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!
Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman, a woman you see
You can forget all about that old penis envy
I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks
Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick
I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful it's true
I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!

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Never Hire A Man To Do A Womans Job

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.

After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."

The man got a shocked look on his face and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my own wife!" Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."

So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."

The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about five minutes, then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her. I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."

"No," the CIA man replied. "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go the hell home."

Now they're down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to the same door and hand her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances. This is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him."

The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA heard the gun start firing, one shot after another, for 13 shots. Then they heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman.

She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat the S.O.B. to death with the chair!"

 

Borrowed from- http://www.angelfire.com/ar/arawelo/jokes.html