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"The Submarine"

I hated submarines. I hated "this" submarine the most because I was on it.

I sat on the small cot and mumbled to myself about how miserable I was. It's good to loose yourself in self-pity from time to time... and I was lost without a map or compass. This sucked. There was a knock at the door. Oh great! Probably someone wanting to ask me if I was feeling any better. I hate submarines

A young seaman pushed his head in the door and said I had a visitor. Without looking up, I gave him a nod and the visitor pushed in. I heard the door close. Still without looking up, I said "yes I'm fine." "No I don't want another shot of Demerol". Oh wait... maybe I do!

The faint smell of perfume found my noes. 'Passion'? I knew that smell. Figures. Some seaman was about to check my torpedo and he wore 'Passion' perfume. I hate these dumb boats.

Getting a good bit of hostility ready to spew at this guy, I looked up. It was a woman. A darn good looking woman. How could a woman be on a submarine? The blow to the head must have caused more damage than I thought. I couldn't place her... although she clearly placed me. "Sir" "I'm sorry for the intrusion."

"Don't be sorry for anything Lieutenant" I said. "What is a woman doing on a sub?” "I'm part of a test program for women in the Navy." "I go down every time I get a chance". I love to go down! Don't you sir"?

Hmmmmm maybe I did!!! Okay... this sub might be different than the others..

"I also like the big round long torpedoes. They're so strong and long. I hear they can go a long time, go very far, and then make a big bang when they get to where they are going!" "Isn't that exciting Sir?"

[Oh boy!] "Why yes that is exciting Lieutenant", I reply [/score]. She followed up with "The Captain lets me operate the periscope too. Up... down...up... down... He says I do it real good! He says I need to practice more... so I will”.

“I like the way the seamen polish the torpedoes each morning. They slap lubrication all over the long tubs and rub… rub… rub… until they have to take off their shirts cause they are so hot and sweaty. They have such strong hands.”

“I also like way the captain orders the tanks to be 'blown" Oh my that is exciting!!! All that pressure suddenly being released causing the sub to rise and fall... rise and fall... rise and fall. Gosh! I just want to squeal!”

“And then there is the big strong nuclear engine. It's so big and strong. It makes the shaft (the shaft is real long) go round and round. I get dizzy just thinking about how long it is. Have you ever seen one sir?”

“And being the only woman on this sub... I have to share the boat with seamen. Everywhere I look seamen. If it's not one, it's 20. All those seamen just seem to be where I am. I can't seem to sit down… without sitting on a seaman.

Quickly checking the size of the cot... I asked the young Lieutenant why she came to see me. She explained that she was instructed by my superiors to record everything I said. She said there were concerns that I might (in my somewhat shaky mental state) say things that were classified. Oh boy! Time to play.

Lying down on the cot, I mumbled a few words. Unable to hear me, the young Lieutenant came closer. I kept my voice to a whisper until she was lying down next to me. (Phase #1 - check)

Closing my eyes and reaching for my head, I found my arm around her. I could feel her warm breath on my neck. I could hear the Captain make an order to load all torpedo bays. (Phase #2 - check)

As she squirmed to get a position better to hear me... I could hear the Captain make the order to raise the periscope. (Phase #3 - periscope up - check)

As my hands began removing her clothing, I could hear the Captain make the order to "ping the target" one more time. [Ping ping ping ping ping ping ping]. Target verified and locked on. (Phase #4 - torpedo primmed - check)

As our bodies pressed ever closer, the young Lieutenant said "Oh sir... I think a "mouse" might be watching so you had better end this thread."

I hate submarines most... when there are mice onboard.

Dinner time! See ya in a bit....