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"The Tale of Hell_Yes"

David (Hell_Yes) was once again at a medical convention. San Diego is nice this time of year and David was glad he brought his wife along... or not.

The convention center was a buzz with doctors talking about the newest trend in "tat" teeth (having a picture painted on a crown that expresses something silly... or an image of something important or special to you).

As David left the keynote speech, he couldn't help noticing the striking young blond moving in his direction. She kept her eye on him much as a stalker would. Giving her the once over (in a professional manner) David gave her a cordial smile. She stepped in front of him.

David greeted the young lady... and quickly did a mental inventory of all the women he had known in his life... on an intimate level. It was a long list. He was halfway down the "C's" when the young lady smiled. There on her front crown was a picture of David.

Near the convention center, David's wife had just finished maxing out the Visa card and was on her way to the limit on the MasterCard. The American Express card had already been destroyed by a rude fat man in a shoe store. David's wife figured to skip the mud pack and surprise David by meeting him early.

The young woman pressed her body against David (oh boy!!!). David was frozen as he did a speed scan of the remaining mental list. Oh the 70's were great! Unfortunately... this woman was not coming up in the database. Suddenly realizing that he was in physical contact with the woman, David attempted to step back.

David's wife walked slowly through the convention center as she scanned the many doctor's faces trying to pick out David. She was early and David wouldn't be looking for her. She'd surprise him.

As David stepped back from the young woman, he realized he couldn't as the blond’s dress had hooked on the buckle of his belt. Body contact continued as David once again saw his face on the tooth of the woman locked to him. As he felt the anxiety rise (we all have pet names okay?), he caught sight of his wife.

David's wife thought she saw David a few times but each time the knees were wrong. David had such nice knees. But wait.... maybe that was him ahead! She kept a mental image of where he was and made her way through the crowd.

Explaining to his wife how he got "hooked" to this young blond woman was one thing. Explaining that this same woman had a "tat" of him on her front tooth would be another. Defending the ‘hook’ and the ‘tat’ at the same time would require a team of divorce lawyers and a whole new set of credit cards. For the first time in his life... sweat could be seen forming on his forehead.

The wife now had a bead on him. Yep… that was the same flowered shirt he wore out of the hotel this morning. David figured the best thing to do would be to step off into a side room so he could un-publicly remove this woman from his body. He found a small closet.

Now why was David going into that room with that striking young blond woman? This was odd! She quickened her pace.

Once in the room… David tried to get uncoupled the old fashioned way: wiggle a lot. All that seemed to do was excite the young lady who smiled even broader exposing that picture on her front tooth. David’s wife could now see them as David reached down to remove his belt. The young blond reached down to help.

David’s wife assumed the castration position.

Sweat rolling off David’s head… he gave his wife a meek smile and started to blubber some meaningless words. The young woman smiled at David’s wife… showing her the big front tooth. David’s pants fell to the floor dragging the young woman’s dress with it.

David woke several days later in the hospital. He’s claiming not to remember any of the aforementioned story. That’s okay… in those missing days David was asleep, his wife spent everything he owns and/or will own.

The End.