FAN: Brett, thank you for the interview. What is new and exciting with the life of Sir Hansen?
Hansen: I'm happy with my progress as an indiviual at this time. I recently returned from a trip to Ajo with my good buddy Fosler where we were aiding the almost extinct Albino Tree Lizard.
FAN: Wow, that sounds exciting and dangerous. What was your mission?
Hansen: Well, as everyone knows, the Albino Tree Lizard is a remarkable animal that lives in the sand dunes of Ajo. They are rapidly becoming extinct because poachers are illegally hunting these brave reptiles for their enormous testicles. They use their testicles as some type of Voodoo Aphrodisiac.
FAN: Oh my, those poor little creatures. What exactly do they do with the lizard's testicles? And how do they catch them?
Hansen: Well this is a little graphic, but they grind up the testicles and mix them in drinks. After you have two or three swallows of a drink with this "love potion" you become very aggressive and start getting these sexual urges that become so strong that after about 40 minutes of doing the "wildthing" you pass out. What is truly remarkable is the way they catch these animals. The Albino Tree Lizard has a very acute sense of hearing and are very curious reptiles. The poachers lure these animals into a trap by playing music from either Wham or The Culture Club. After they catch the animals, they whack'em with a pitching wedge and "snip,snip".
FAN: Oh that is awful, I wonder what they (testicles) taste like?
Hansen: Well, I unfortunatly was caught by one of the poachers and after making me walk 5 miles in the hot desert, with nothing to drink, they offered me one beer mixed with the potion. I knew what would happen if I drank it but I thought if I just took one drink that I could survive. So 15 beers later Fosler found me in a ditch with only my Broncos hat on. I think those poachers must have felt sorry for me and let me go. All I really wanted to do was get back to Tucson and call my one and true love from Mesa and also get some water because for some odd reason I had this salty taste in my mouth.
FAN: I'm so glad you weren't hurt, well that is all the time I have today. Brett thank you for this chance to meet you, it means so much to me.
Hansen: No problem, I will do anything for my fans and those brave little Albino Tree Lizards. If you want more information about my crusades please email me. My email link is on the main home page.
