Learning Objectives
b)proximity
c)similarity
d)reciprocity
e)physical attractions
b)response
c)care
d)trust
e)affection
f)playfulness
g)genitality
Love and the Development of Sexual Relationships (Ch.7)
What is Love
Difficult to define
- can mean different things to different people
- difficult to measure
Rubin’s "love scale"
- 3 components
* attachment: desire for physical presence &
emotional support
* caring: concern for each other’s well-being
* intimacy: desire for close & confidential
communication
-some validity to this measure:
weak lovers made less eye contact than strong
lovers
Types of love
Passionate love (infatuation, or romance)
- intense psychological feelings
- physiological arousal
- typically, strong sexual desire
- early in relationship; avoid conflict, overlook faults;
complete fulfillment
- short-lived -->transition to different love, or ending
of relationship
Compassionate love
- friendly affection & deep attachment
- extensive familiarity 7 thoughtful appreciation with
tolerance for shortcomings
- commitment to nurturing & problem solving
- richer, more meaningful sexuality
Sternberg’s triangular theory
-3 components
* passion=motivation that fuels romance, attraction,
& desire
* intimacy=sense of bondedness, warmth, sharing,
closeness
* commitment=conscious decision to love & maintain
relationship
- passion builds, intensifies, then fades; intimacy &
commitment continue to build
- presence or absence of different components
account for variations in kinds of love
-research limited, but some support especially for
intimacy & commitment as predictors of stability
Lee’s styles of loving
- romantic (eros): physical beauty, tactile pleasure
- game-playing (ludus): fun, casual, "conquests"
- possessive (mania): obsessive, jealous, roller-
coaster ups & downs
- companionate (storge): slow to develop, enduring:
peaceful & quiet
- altruistic (agape): selfless, caring, compassionate;
no expectation of reciprocation
- pragmatic (pragma): rational, practical; shared
interests, mutual satisfaction
- research is limited
Falling in love: Why and with whom
The chemistry of love
- neurotransmitters in the brain similar t amphetamine
* norepinephrine
* dopamine
* phenylethylamine (PEA)
- body builds tolerance for PEA -->diminished
giddiness & euphoria
- endorphins may be responsible for deeper
attachments: produce sense of tranquillity, security
- loss or potential loss of loved one may be similar to
drug withdrawal
Proximity
- familiarity breeds liking; mere exposure effect
- familiarity breeds predictability -->greater comfort
Similarity
- share similar interests & activities
- communicate better
- confirm own views & experiences
- supportive of values & beliefs
Reciprocity
- when someone shows they like us, we tend to like
them back
- positive reactions to flattery, compliments, attention
- decreases likelihood of rejection
Physical attractiveness
- aesthetically pleasing
* infant studies demonstrate early preference for
attractiveness
- "what’s beautiful is good" belief
- status by association
- most important in early stages of a relationship
The development of intimacy
Self-love
- genuine interest, concern, respect for self
- prerequisite for a satisfying relationship with others
The phases of a relationship
- inclusion: an invitation to relate
- response: agreeing to relate
- care: genuine concern for another’s welfare
- trust: belief that each will promote growth &
stability of relationship
- affection: feelings of warmth & attachment; desire
for physical closeness
- playfulness: display of delight & pleasure in each
other
- genitality: decision to experience genital sex
Issues in loving relationships
Relationship between love and sex
- several possibilities
- questions to ask
* does sexual intimacy deepen a love relationship?
* do men & women have different views of sex &
love?
* does sexual orientation affect views of sex & love?
Sex & relationships on your terms
- each person has to decide how to express his or her
own sexuality
- steps to take
* knowing what you want
* asking for when you want
* saying "not yet" to sex
* ending a relationship
* managing rejection
Jealousy in relationships
- definition: an aversive feeling in response to a real
or imagined relationship between one’s partner &
another person
- jealousy prone person
* low self-esteem
* places high value on wealth, fame, popularity, attractiveness
- negative consequences
* precipitates violence against partner
*stifles development of relationship & associated
pleasure
* increases anxiety, depression, anger, damages self-
image
- numerous gender differences in triggers,
experiences, & coping with jealousy
Maintaining relationship satisfaction
Ingredients in a lasting love relationship
- self-acceptance
- appreciation of each other’s qualities
- commitment
- good communication
- realistic expectations
- shared interests
- ability to face & deal with conflict
Sexual variety
- communication is critical
- vary times & places
- be open to spontaneous experiences
- plan time together; make dates
- discuss what is comfortable rather than worrying
about what is normal
- read & discuss books on sexual techniques